Mushroom Poetry

Mushroom Poetry

Poetry by FunGuys and FunGals

“I AM THE VERY MODEL OF AN AMATEUR MYCOLOGIST” By Gary Lincoff

I am the very model of an amateur mycologist,
And often tend to think myself a good agaricologist.
I know mushrooms that are good for you and others that are magical,
And how to tell the good from bad and bad from worse and tragical.
I’m very well acquainted too with matters microscopical,
I understand cystidia, both pleuro and dermatical.
In mushroom cultivation, too, I claim as well to know my share,
With many secret formulae for growing mushrooms in thin air.
I’m very good at doing taxonomical analysis.
I know the scientific names of mushrooms that are poisonous.….

……In short, if you’re in need of a good agaricologist,
I am the very model of an amateur mycologist.
I know the names and dates of all our eminent mycologists,
And who discovered who with whom, and who got slapped and who got kissed,
And who knows Latin well enough to know the latest idiom,
And the idiots who can’t even tell their ascus from basidium.
I know who stole what from whom, and who once fixed a club election,
Who stomps on others mushroom finds and who once ate a type collection.
I know who’s named what and who’s had mushrooms named after them,
And who the mushroom splitters are and their every evil strategem.
All these things and more I know, and now of mushroomers I sing,
Of the ins and outs and ups and downs and goings on in Fairy Rings.
In short, if you’re in need of a good agaricologist,
I am the very model of an amateur mycologist.
I read the latest articles on DNA taxonomy.
I know the clades and trees of molecular phylogeny.
I know that without sequencing a mushroom’s just a ru(o)mer,
And that some pros, alas alack, lack any sense of hu(o)mor.
So I never joke about their fundamental paradigms,
Like whether lost or found – or shifting like the sands of time.
It’s crucial to hold on to some shred of credibility,
By not conflating sequencing with premature senility.
To keep a foothold in both camps is good –
To broker peace in our myco-neighborhood.
In short, if you’re in need of a good agaricologist,
I am the very model of an amateur mycologist.

~Gary Lincoff

Though some refer to mushrooms & fungi
as the third kingdom, to me
they are the magic kingdom.​

Gary Lincoff​

The Mushroom is the Elf of Plants – (1350)

BY EMILY DICKINSON

The Mushroom is the Elf of Plants –

At Evening, it is not

At Morning, in a Truffled Hut

It stop opon a Spot

As if it tarried always

And yet it’s whole Career

Is shorter than a Snake’s Delay –

And fleeter than a Tare –

’Tis Vegetation’s Juggler –

The Germ of Alibi –

Doth like a Bubble antedate

And like a Bubble, hie –

I feel as if the Grass was pleased

To have it intermit –

This surreptitious Scion

Of Summer’s circumspect.

Had Nature any supple Face

Or could she one contemn –

Had Nature an Apostate –

That Mushroom – it is Him!

Nature alone is antique, and the
oldest art a mushroom..​

~Thomas Carlyle

Can Mushrooms Save the Planet?

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